Fashion Faux Pas for the urban outfitter

High Heel Unconfidential

2011-01-19T13:22:00.001-08:00

This post largely applies to the ladies. So boys if you are reading, please don't get bored, you may pick up a thing or two about us that you didn't know about. So patience.

Today, as a rare sighting at my workplace, as I was walking to the cafeteria, I came across this really tall, stylishly dressed girl. Now, if you lived amongst people, who wore jeans and sweatshirts everyday in a large technology company and you suddenly noticed anyone even remotely put together, you would label them a fashionista. As I have been called. Mind you, as I say this, due to unfortunate circumstances, I have been wearing sneakers to work. *Gasp*. I know, I know. But my life is in shambles right now, and my one pair of CK heels broke and hear I am walking in the horrid rain in Portland, and taking public transport in my tennis shoes. I am ranting now. But, I am sure you can sympathise.
Any way, getting back to the topic. This tall girl, was walking in front of me, and I was even making a mental note of what she was wearing, I noticed her walking funny. And staring South, I realized, she was wearing 4 inch heels that didnt fit her well, and she wobbled.
Ladies, ladies, ladies. My mantra has always been "style before comfort". But if you are going to look like a horse trotting in those uncomfortable shoes, instead of looking confident and sassy, maybe, just maybe its time to switch to "chic and confident" instead of wobble-wobble? Now, I'll concede that there is no replacement to wearing high heels. They elongate your look, give you a better posture, and overall make your legs look sexy like nothing else can. Men, however, with their diminished observation powers, however perk up when they see a pair of stilletoes. A stilleto to them says many things - sexy, confident, sassy, and bold. Yes. Not a wallflower bold. And if you went the other way - as in platform stilletoes or transparent stilletoes a Mrs. Hulk hogan with platinum blonde highlights and fake boobs, then we have another blog post coming up.
But you get my drift.
Here's my advice. First, there are some ground rules to follow when you buy heels especially if you are a new heel wearer. Second, for all others, invest in one good pair of shoes instead of buying 2 bad ones.
And third, stand tall.

Ho-Ho-Ho!

2010-12-13T15:18:00.000-08:00

Ok. So it seems like I havent posted in years. Well its been 6 months, but feels like years. So, why break the smooth silence. After all, I am sure I dont have anymore readers left:) But, the holiday season and lots of parties brings forth the needed socialisation. All the smiles and pretties out in their best winter wear.
I went to one such party of a friend of a friend which was quite fabulous. Now this was an interesting party with the girl-boy ratio rather skewed. Also, interestingly all the men and women were in the age group of 28-34. A rather interesting age group, where everyone was a true outlier. Successful in their careers, unsure about what to do for love, most of them were single.
Of course one such outlier, and this my friends, is the oh-so-delcious-what-gets-abby-mad part. So pay attention -
This outlier really really wanted to stand out. I mean really. And she succeeded. There is a lesson in this story somewhere mind you. I was a little overwhelmed with the heat in the crowded apartment and the large numbers of shouting, screaming people. So when the mist cleared and I had my first sighting of this lady, well no not lady, abomination, I had to rub my eyes to make sure I was seeing right. Just because its Christmas time, and you need to bring all your "goodies" in a jar, you neednt literally put them in blinged out white halter made with White shiny viscose. The angels were singing somewhere that night. This epitome of pure virginity.
I almost barfed. On top of it, well on the bottom of it rather, she wears a short black ruffle skirt with black tights and pointy toed grey fur high heels.
Do you think this is a cosmic coincidence, where someone up there wanted me to resume writing in a hurry. I mean how do you explain this? We are weeks away from halloween. This half-elfy-half-ducky-mostly-slutty creature, yes it is a creature, should not have been let out of the house without a leash.
Secondly, it seemed like her milkshaker was in bejewelled halter top seemed to be enough bling to blind most people from checking the rest of the ensemble out. I guess that is the fashion lesson we can learn from this experience. If you dont have anything else going for you, confuse them with cleavage. Oh well.
And the worst part of my evening. Every time she passed by me, in that crowded living room of nearly 50 people, my hair involuntarily stood up. It was like I was being given minor zaps. Zzzzz.ZZ.ZZZ.
So my advice to you all. Old age does catchup with folks. The attention of men and those around us does mitigate. I understand you wanting to put all your goodies out there, I am not going to judge your slutty look.

But please please, can we upgrade to an escort-style instead of a streetwalker?

Everyone should have a pair

2010-06-24T15:47:00.000-07:00

of these.

Aviator.SunGlasses
I love love love Aviators. Aviators are equal opportunity appeal-enhancers! No matter what race, color, sex you are, aviators look good on everyone. I especially like the modified aviators that are a tad different from the top-gun-tom-cruise-aviators and love them in gold and gunmetal!

If you are looking for a new pair to buy, these are perfect! No, Rayban isnot paying me, I just want the world to be filled with hot looking people!

Roses are red, violets are blue. I smell sweet and so should you!

2010-02-25T00:30:00.001-08:00

I hate meetings. Any kind of meeting. If a meeting is longer than 30 min, my ADD invariably takes over, and I drift into a happy cloud of random thoughts. If no one is around me, I quickly sneak a look at my Facebook newsfeed. Yes. I am addicted.
I sat in a long meeting today.Tired. 3:00 p.m. Me every bit ready to drift into my happy zone. It was an important meeting in a tiny conference room. with 6 men and one other woman. Really packed. Tight, and you couldnt turn around without stepping on someone's foot. Which I did successfully btw. So no FB sneaking. I was left to my thoguhts to entertain me. Its an art you know, to look deeply interested, while your mind is thinking of the Lebanese boy you saw checking you out in the cafe. Alas, no such luck. Instead, I am forced. Yes. Forced. To write about this flagrant faux pas that even yours truly ashamedly committed atleast twice.
So I sat in this meeting, patiently trying to get through 5 min. When it hit me. A cloud of BO hovering over our heads. I looked around. Panicked. There was no escaping this meeting. No-excuse-me-let-me-get-my-mask-on. I sat there frozen. Breathing in the stench. Yes. The stench. Everybody in the room reeked. No environmentally friendly people with their placards shouting slogans of "Stop Air pollution". Or "We demand clean air". Just me swallowing small spurts of thickly foul scented body odor. I was gasping. If it was appropriate, I would be wildly flailing my arms to get me an oxygen mask. But. No. Such. Protection. For. Poor.ME. Instead, I took it like a man. The worst one hour I have ever spent. Next time, I am going to go in with a lace perfumed handkerchief. And cover my nose.
An old friend has argued repeatedly with me that underneath our fabulous facades, human beings are just animals. And under the right circumstances we would all behave like one. We would hunt, mate and survive based on our corest instincts. From that evolved the animal's core sense of smell which helped them identify who their enemies were and such. I hope somehow this stupid theory has not pervaded our lives. Maybe a memo was sent out for all midlevel managers to collectively stop using deo. How else could I explain this collective defiance of human decency.
Ladies and Gents. Bad BO is a common problem most adults have. Its the food we eat, and the bad chemicals we consume. Even worse are those people that try to hide it under their perfumes. Perfumes do not help BO. If anything they make it worse. Growing up in a hot overpopulated country like India, personal space in a public setting is a luxury. People in buses, trains, and other public transport. Reek. You can tell what people have had for lunch by the way they smell. Garlic. And Onion sweat are the worst.
I have the same problem with the opposite set of folks. Who think dabbing themselves in perfume is actually dousing themselves in perfume. You know what I am talking about. After they leave the entire elevator, your hallway and garage has their smell.

Lets repeat the mantra of success - moderation is the name of the smell game. Unless, you naturally smell like a fresh bouquet of flowers, please please people wear a deodarant everyday. They are all available in different smells. In different sizes. In sprays or sticks. For a buck a piece. I beg of you to please, please invest in one!

"The twilight Saga"

2009-11-16T00:30:00.000-08:00

You're really lovely
Underneath it all
You want to love me
Underneath it all
-Gwen Stephanie(No doubt)

I have a confession to make. I stalk people. Yes, shamelessly facebook stalk. But who doesnt? Isnt our whole life's mission to know more about other people's lives. Isnt that why reality shows are such a huge success? As my travel for work has greatly reduced, FB has become my veritable source of life. Pop culture, the news, sports, music, and also angst. Alas, yes, my pretties, the ugly head bobs again. I return, embittered. Fine. I exaggerate.
As I was getting my usual healthy dose of FB spying, suddenly a whiff of chilled air touched me. I will explain why soon. I was looking at some of my friend's friend's pictures. Dont you love when you can unabashedly, look at pictures of friends of friends, and then their friends. Ah, the level of stalking are limitless.Okay, you dont want to be my FB friend anymore. Fine. But, I digress. So I did look, unabashedly that is. And there I found my oldest, darkest fear, relived. I felt like I had seen a character straight of The-ultimate-teen-fantasy, "The Twilight" movie. Alas, if the lady in question was anything as delectable as the Pattinson boy, I would have forgiven this particular faux pas. In keeping with the Asian obsession(perhaps, the Indian obsession) with the "fair" skin, my victim in question had painted(lets call a spade a spade) her face - white. Alas, she looked anything but. Next thing, I hoped, she would prop open her kurta(it was a an-indian-party-at-a-famous-bschool), and reveal a kimono and break into a demure Geisha-like dance. Nothing of the sort happened. Unfortunately, I am hardly forgiving of the mistake. I can imagine, her top MBA education coming in handy when she probably bullied the woman behind the makeup counter in giving her the "Ivory" foundation, when she should have gone "Tan".
As I grew up in the sweltering heat in India, I have seen relatives of mine, wear mismatched foundations and compacts that run down their expensive silk sarees, only to reveal, the horrible mismatch in their complexions. There was good reason for it. Back in the day, the beauty of a woman was measured only as the index of her skin color. The lighter she was, the more beautiful she was. And so, the foundation, amongst other things, helped Indian women enhance their "fairness quotient".
But this day and age, and in this country where we are proud to tout our uniqueness, ladies, I beg you to please please, spend the time to find the right foundation and/or pressed powder. Please stop from becoming indirect promoters for all vampire movies. You dont want to look like you have been exhumed out of a coffin. Better yet, if you dont know how to find the right color, dont wear any at all. Just show up with a smile and conquer the world!

Dancing queen, dancing queen

2009-04-22T16:14:00.000-07:00

I loved the ABBA song.
Last night as I was hanging out at wonderful PCG, drinking in the skyscraper views with a wonderful Willamette Valley Pinot Noir(dont I sound poetic), I remembered this one friend and why she made me cringe every time I met her on different social occasions. The strappy spandex like dresses and the clinginess in all the wrong places just sent shivers down my spine.
I think my biggest complaint with these outfits is the unevennesss of the bottom seam of the dress. You know what I am talking about. Bottoms of dresses and some times bottoms of tops, cut zig zag. Making the wearer look like she walked out straight from the Flintstones era. There is a reason that some of us dont want to look like neanderthals, and dont want to roam around in rags. I think some demented designer decided that straight was too boring and lets go all crazy and rip off the bottoms into whatever shape and the world would be a more exciting place.
It brings me to a moral dilemma, should I tell this friend subtly to stop wearing that outfit? For other people out there, I beg of you to lead this neanderthal outfit down its darwinian path - please please eliminate by selection?

"The Velveteen habit"

2009-02-15T13:26:00.001-08:00

Lol. I love the title, I crack myself up:)
This is a long over due blog post. Almost 3 years old now and still relevant. I didnt write about it way back then out of sheer good manners and because it involved my roommate. We never really became friends and the faux pas is unforgivable so here goes. Back in the 80's I think, the velvet look was really popular. Velvet, with its soft and lustrous texture was synonymous with luxury. I remember when I was 7, I had a brown velvet frock with poofy gold sleeves and a giant bow in the back. I loved the dress then.
But, times have passed and the once luxurious look is completely jaded. My roommate, one day brought out this absolute hideous dress made completely in velvet and embellished with pearls and some other intricate work. The dress made her look atleast 30 years older, but she was so awestruck by the magnificence of the dress that I couldnt tell her. I have seen people show up for holiday parties and elsewhere in velvet gowns, skirts(ugh), pants and Indian dresses(Salwars and even saree blouses). The material does not contour well to the human body and makes the wearer look frumpy and old. They end up looking more like moss covered tree trunks. Even worse is to see this out of shape dress embellished with something blingy. Ladies, please take my advice. Accessories made with velvet - clutches, belts , bracelets are all acceptable. I even like demure colored jackets made in velvet. They add a touch of class to the outfit you are wearing.
Other than that, unless you want to end up looking like a carpet, please refrain from this look!

"The Sartorialist"

2009-01-16T20:24:00.000-08:00

I found this piece of treasure quite randomly.
The writer writes about real fashion on the streets.
Please read and enjoy:
http://thesartorialist.blogspot.com/

Ho Ho Ho !

2008-12-11T23:35:00.000-08:00

I love this time of the year. The beautiful weather, the lovely parties, starting from thanksgiving, there are multiple types of parties too - the pre-thanksgiving party, the thanksgiving lunch, the end of year holiday parties, the office holiday parties, the company holiday party, the christmas party, the new years party. Mind you, each one of these occasions is distinct and special. This also marks the big change in the fashion of the season. New styles in jackets, sweaters, shawls, scarves, vests, boots, stockings and of course the holiday dresses.
This year, me being in a good mood and all, I wanted to put a small twist on my holiday post. First get my angst out, and then write about the holiday trends!
I accompanied one of my dear friends to his company's holiday annual party. I wont mention the company's name, suffice to say that they wont be yodelling any time soon.Get it. "Yodelling". Oh come on! Anyways, the party was really fun, had a vegas theme and all. And all the employees showed up in their party best. Unfortunately, most of them wore some of those clothes, which were only brought out of the closet or the cardboard box in the attic this time in the year, and stored away with the moth balls till another year later. Another year, another christmas, same dress, same holiday jacket, same make-up! Lord, please help. Please deliver us from this evil.
You can tell very easily from the styles. I dont think stores actually sell them anywhere. I actually gagged when I saw a woman in a purple skirt suit. Why? And how?
Another one is highly inappropriate dressing for a holiday party. If you are showing up for your company's annual holiday party, atleast dont show up in a sweatshirt and jeans.
I lost my appetite when I actually saw two of these slightly(ahem) big women, dressed in their Vegas best. Their Vegas Ho best actually. Really short dresses and tons of cleavage. Again, why?
I know that the economy is taking a bad turn and its now perhaps not frugal to invest in special holiday attire. And we do forgive those who sin against us. Dont we?
Instead I am going to turn a new leaf and am going to be positive and hope that the world takes a better turn.
So here goes, the few top trends for this season.
Flats, flats, flats - Ladies, great fabulous news. Flats are back! Big time back. The WSJ claims that it has something to do with the economy. Apparently women are feeling a little down and flats are more with their moods than heels. I rejoice. Not because they are particularly sexy, but because I can then party for hours together without whining every 30 min:) So go all out - the tuxedo flats, the colored glittered sequins flats, the plaid flats and my favorite, nude satin flats!
Socks - Long knee high argyle socks are in. In a big way. The idea is a little borrowed from the female tennis player/golfer look. But they make your legs look really long and have a very nice way of dressing up even the dowdiest of your office wear!
Boots and the skirt/dress - This is one of those timeless fashions. It stays together every season. For some reason, I dont really like the style. I feel if you go slightly wrong with the choice of the length of boot, style of boot, color of boot, it ends up making the calves looking big and bulky rather than slender and sexy.
Argyle sweaters for men - For the boys, I love the look with a plain shirt inside and sleeves rolled up with the argyle sweaters. I think it makes them look really sexy. Make sure that the argyle sweater is in a bright color. Stay away from dark colors like navy blue, black, maroon, red and brown. Also try and buy a pure wool sweater, that way the sweater is not bulky and makes you hide the unseemly stuff pretty easily!
Poofy Jackets sleeves for women - Ladies, more for you. The big poofy sleeved jackets are in. You can invest in a short jacket, a long jacket. Also, stick to the darker shades when doing the poofy.
SJP flowers - Thanks to Sarah Jessica Parker in Sex and the City, the big flower brooches are really popular. Pair your old jacket, dress, sweater with a bright or jewelled flower brooch and you have dressed up a dull outfit successfully!
Stockings - I have already written about fishnet stockings in my previous post. Colored American apparel stockings are in. But you have to be very very careful about your choice of stocking color. If you are even a shade off, you may end up looking like an Elf! To wear stockings, wear a short dress, or a longer sweater with stockings and boots. In your entire outfit, make sure that there is only one bright colored item though!!
Bling it up baby! - Anything thats shiny and spangled is in. Hoodies, jackets, purses, shrugs, tank tops, sweaters. Go for it. This is the only time in the year you can wear it without looking like a disco ball!
Happy Holidays Peeps!

Trends or mends?

2008-10-14T11:17:00.000-07:00

Ok ok, I know I have lost it. I have let everything take over my vent out! But, I have a new job now, and dont travel as much and I havent been out and about too much to do any fashion policing.
So I decided to compile a list of fashion trends that I have noticed that me and every one else collectively have been puzzled by.

Here goes:

1. Sack Dresses - Sack dresses are those which are short and literally potato-sack like. They have no waist, and produce this baggy but chic silhouette. All the women I know, love 'em. They cover up the flab in all the right places and are different. My guy friends just dont get it though. They have complained and whined and compared them to maternity gowns! So ladies, I leave this call to you, impress the guys or stay with the trends??
2. Crocs - I know this one has been long coming! I wrote a post about it a while ago, but never posted it because it was wayy to obvious. But crocs everywhere, this past summer, drove me up the wall. These are colorful, ugly but supposedly super comfortable, footwear made so your feet could breathe. They come in assorted candy colors. Their stock price consistently shot up as they became more and more popular(much to my utter horror). But I think "Style before comfort" should be on everyone's mantra! You dont want to be caught dead in one of these. Trust me.
3. Candy shop?? - Ladies over 40 shopping in teenager stores! Talk about cradle robbing. I got my LASIK done recently, and the surgery went off well and all, but imagine my trepidation as I was escorted in, for the initial paperwork, by one of the counselors to her office. This attractive late 30s/early 40s lady, dressed like Hannah Montana! Knee-length shorts, a tee, a vest and a cap to boot! I was truly speechless! And responded to her in mono syllables. I was frantically trying to rationalise this scary aberration by looking around in her office to see if there were any signs that could explain this behavior!!
4. Big purses/hobos - I resisted buying one of these for a while and finally did it out of sheer curiosity. Unless you have a newborn, there isnt much to carry in your purse. Maybe a cellphone, a wallet, a compact, coffee mints and a lipstick. But it is one of those confounding trends that nobody really understands. Why is it that we need big giant handbags to carry everywhere. I have got to say though, that the bigger the bag gets, the more junk I seem to fill in it. Now I have everything from last weeks mail to a light snack in my big giant bag.
Another thing thats funny about this trend - the size of the person carrying it. I see tiny, skinny girls carry them, maybe they are trying to highlight their own physical vulnerability! Who knows?
5. Long skirts with slits - Slits in the back, on the sides etc are a strict no-no. This isnt a trend started recently but I decided to rant about it here anyways. I have seen women, 35 and over wear this to work! Its unflattering and totally purposeless. If you think you are sexy by showing the back portions of your calves, its time to think again, and think hard!
6. Fishnet Stockings - Okay, this one is too close. It can vary from looking like a slut to being sexy. There is a very fine line here and you want to be ultra careful while wearing them. My only suggestion here is, ladies, if you hafta wear it, try it with monochromatic dresses.
7. Flourescent visible bra-cups - This one, I have spotted sporadically, at some parties. Here was one pretty young girl, wearing this cute deep necked black dress. Out of nowhere, I saw the tops of her bra-cups in flourescent blue peeping out. I am all for being unique and making a statement. It left me wondering about the statement she was trying to make though! Was she highlighting her assets or lack there-of?? All in all, a trend which needs to be nipped in the bud and heavily castigated me-thinks. Next thing you know, we will have to relive the conical-madonna-bra-era!

High Heel Confidential

2008-08-03T23:49:00.001-07:00

Cant help referring you to this great find. For desi celeb Fashions, please check out:

www.highheelconfidential.com

Enjoy!

Song sung blue hue(boo hoo)

2008-06-22T03:05:00.000-07:00

Song sung blue
Everybody knows one
Song sung blue
Every garden grows one

Ha! Sorry, folks for the long delay. I know I have been quite remiss in my duties to alert the world of the faux pas I have run into. I just have been a little self-absorbed.
My girl friend and I decided to break the routine a little, and decided to spend our Saturday night people watching at the nearest hotspot. Unfortunately, the latest "hotspot" was quite the misnomer, as the place was anything but. Watching a whole bunch of hoochie mamas, and their entourages for a while, we decided that enough was enough and called it a night. I however, did run into a peeve that I have been meaning to write about since a while. As I was looking around bored and a little tired, from the mindless banter, I saw this "brother" with a white tshirt with a whole bunch of bling, and a pair of blue denim baggy shorts and white white shoes.
Blue Denim Shorts are a strict no-no for men. Baggy Blue Denim shorts are even worse. The men unfortunately, end up looking more like overgrown kids than effortlessly cool and comfortable. Which, I think, is the whole purpose of wearing shorts. The "brother" at the bar, was going for the 50 cent gangsta look. Unfortunately the only crime he committed tonite was showing up in those shorts and acting super nasty. He looked more like he was waiting for the ice cream truck round the corner, than someone who was ready to wack someone off. It cheered me up considerably though. Atleast I had found material for my blog. Unfortunately for me, this wasnt the first time that I was spotting this flagrant mishap.
I have had "man-denim-short" sightings several times over, in the last few years. Surprisingly however, blue denim shorts look really good on women. All varieties of them, the hack-offs, the daisy dukes and the like. I dont know why that is. Another one of those unsolved mysteries.
So please please my guy friends, if you have any piece of blue denim apparel in your closet which doesnt extend all the way to your ankles, its time to rethink your wardobe!

jingle bells, jingle belles

2008-04-13T22:44:00.000-07:00

Jingle belles, Jingle Belles all the way
Oh what fun it isnt to ride in a one-horse open sleigh!

I am sorry, I couldnt come up with anything better. But so goes the old christmas carol. or my modification of it. When we women get ready to go out and conquer the world, we want to look our best. And in order to prepare ourselves, we deck ourselves with every conceivable piece of armory that the world has left at our doorstep. The rings, the amulets, the bangles, the bracelets, the earrings, the necklaces, the hair clips, the hair bands and more. Each of these accessories enhances a ladies personality a little more. Adding a little more character to whatever story they are trying to tell. It gives them a certain je ne sais quoi. Making them more tasteful and sophisticated looking.
My peeve is with those ladies who get a little carried away and end up looking more like walking Christmas trees with ornaments. You cant pair giant earrings, with a jingly necklace, and another necklace just in case we missed the first one and a bracelet with charms, and a few bangles . Unless, you are of course getting ready to hawk off some of your wares at the next traffic light. Ladies, please take my advice. Accessories are fantastic. They are God's gifts to woman kind. Please do accessorize, but please do so with caution. Repeat the mantra 'subtlety is the name of the game' before you set out to make this world your smorgasboard.
Au revoir!

Annoucing the Marsupial Times

2008-03-26T22:24:00.000-07:00

Ok. Here's where I take offence. My new bff tells me that he thinks my blog is less about fashion and more abt me wanting to diss people anonymously. I scoffed. Of course not. I care. I really care. I am a fan of the famous Keats saying. Well, not really. My point is that sometimes, when I am having less than a good day, it definitely pushes me over the edge. And if I can contribute to this world, by preventing one person from making the faux pas, I would be a better person. Phew. That sounded like a Miss America speech.

I was having lunch at a faux meat place. A place where you can get vegetarian buffalo wings, vegetarian beef and the like. All made of synthetic soy protein. As I was getting through my faux meal where my dear friend made the aforementioned(pfft!) preposterous observation, in walked my long time peeve. This middle aged Indian lady, probably in her early 40s. She walked in wearing something less than a fannie pack and more than a money belt. She was dressed like the quintessential woman of the world. Or what people thought the definition of the 'woman of the world' was, about 20 years ago. She had her hair cut like a man and was dressed like a man too. A shapeless shirt and pleated pants, a tough woman, quite obviously. And she wore, attached to her belt, her quintessential I-am-a-gadget-gal gadget, her cellphone in a leather pouch. *Groan*. I mean , lady, come on! There is such a thing called a purse. There are tons of nice ones, and no its not more important than your comfort and easy access.

Now she is not the only one. I have seen different versions of this. Especially when people are on international travel, and I have even observed this sometimes when I travelled from some GodForSaken places in the MidWest, or down South. People, forever, in the need to be more efficient, carry fanny packs. Both men and women. They carry all their 'important' documents in them. And walk around feeling protected and secure, and may I add, a little foolish. And the best part is that they are usually teamsters. I mean if you see one of these kangaroo like folks, chances are they are more of them lurking around. Sometimes, they move in couples, both husband and wife will be carrying a fanny pack at their waists. I can understand(gulp) if men have to wear them. Men dont have the convenience of carrying a purse, a man bag is too funny and a tad quirky. But ladies, you have no such need. A hand bag, albeit a big one, will do just fine. You can even carry some extra copies and some snack in there if you like.

I know that the demographic of the readers of my blog is fairly young, but I know that years will pass and soon we will be closer to the kangaroo generation, hopefully someone will remember these golden words and spread the word then.

tats - ugly or saxy?

2008-03-19T00:20:00.000-07:00

The age old dilemma. From time immemorial, I have wondered whether tattoos are ugly or beautiful. I will admit, without trying to date myself, that growing up, I always thought that they were super cool. Of course, this was also the time when I thought that I would totally have my own motorcycle and go about town riding really fast.
Years have passed, and I have become wiser. With wisdom, came the awareness that there is nothing cool about riding a motorcycle at a 100 mph, and then having all your body parts taped together if you managed to get out alive out of an impending carnage. I would rather be protected by some air-bags. But, saying this, I dont want to jinx all my motorcycle riding pals. Cool looking tattoos go hand in hand with the rebel-with-a-cause look. Of course so do body piercings and dyed hair.
But my particular grievance is with tattoos. Tats, as they are called, are beautiful when you get them done initially. The novelty alone is quite exhilirating. They vary from being elaborate pieces of wearable art on your arms, your back, your naughty bits to simple I-just-want-to-do-it-for-the-heck-of-it ones. After going through the excruciating pain, the satisfaction is pretty short lived. Its only a matter of time , a year or two tops, before boredom sets in, and then old age and then sagging skin set in. Unless of course you are one of those tough biker dudes, whose dating joint is the local watering hole. You can totally attract the right kind of crowd then. Someone called Candy or Sugar.
Whats worse is people wearing them go from being bad-assed rebels to just plain ole tacky hags or hogs. And they are so permanent. They are there to stay. Till death do you part. Or perhaps, till complicated plastic surgery do you part.
Needless to add to that is the accidental oops moment. A tat slipping out when you are in a formal work setting. I maybe exaggerating a little, but I wouldnt trust a manager who had a scorpion tattoo on his shoulder that slipped out at a team event or an employee with a little heart on her lower back.
So, my request to y'all, especially the young ones, think long and hard before you go down this road. Unless you want to be the next Amy Winehouse or are getting ready to visit the old 'Hotel California', please dont get tattoos plastered over your body. And for some reason, if you hafta do it, please try and get a subtle one in some imperceptible place on your body, so it could become a relic soon to be forgotten.

Project Run-away

2008-02-27T23:18:00.000-08:00

I know I rant and rave, I bitch and moan about All-things-fugly, but I cant help writing this post. I am an ardent follower of Project Runway and have followed it from the first season. I love the show, love the designers, their quirkiness, their shenanigans, and finally the creativity.
I couldnt resist writing a commentary once I saw tonite's episode. The four finalists are Chris March, Gillian, Rami and Christian. And everyone's been hailing this batch as the most talented of all the seasons. I beg to differ. All four of them are talented. Sure. If we were living 20 years ago, then they would be at the helm of some great fashion revolution. Unfortunately we are living now in 2008, and the whole 80's schtick is really getting to me.
The talented I-am-so-fierce Christian has designed one type of clothing only through the entire season. Every one of his 'fierce' designs through the season have the same nice-day-for-a-white-wedding twist. He always designs the punk rocker jacket with the shoulder pads, always the skinny pants. I mean, come on!! Am I the only one seeing this?
Rami, Rami, Rami. Please get over your grecian draping. Seriously, I dont know what Heidi Klum is applauding constantly. His clothes look dated. I wanted to scream loudly when I saw what he did to the poor 16 year old girl. Her prom dress I mean. Another asymmetric draping making the girl look like an old hag. And thing is, I seriously want to know who goes about wearing clothes like that. Enough already. ALL his clothes look like nice togas from the Roman era. The key word being ALL. And tonight's show with his three looks, I thought they looked extremely dated as well. I think fashion should be about reinvention, so use the concept in a new way. Why present the same old sh**.
Chris March. The over-the-top costume designer. I think the human hair attached to his final looks was the last straw. I dont think he gets it. As they were showing his collection to Tim Gunn, I saw some of the jackets. And I must say, that they were not just mediocre but scary as well. Something I would probably buy if I was living in some castle in Transylvania where no one from the outside world had visited in decades.

And finally Gillian. I must admit that I had serious trepidations when I saw her dress. She is seriously from Like-a-virgin-Madonna-Era. She has got this awful perm, wears ALL the 80s fashion and incessantly wears bright red lipstick, with and without gloss! But her clothes are a little better than the rest. She has some sense of style, proportion, edge and you could see her doing some wonderful things.
What scares me is this - the aforementioned designers are on the show. And I know a lot of people watch it. It scares me to think that people are going to start imitating these fashions in our everyday world. Already, I saw someone today on the streets of San Jose. I mean if it can get to suburbia, it can go anywhere!!
So, please, please people I am begging you to watch the show, and suffer from temporary aphasia, or please watch it for what it is. As entertainment, and not as a beacon to your sensibilities.

Heal the (tech) world!

2008-02-22T20:45:00.000-08:00

"Heal the world, make it a better place for you and for me and for the entire human race" - MJ

Continuing in the grand tradition of ranting about the tech world, I have been meaning to write about this particular fauxpas for the last 7 years. Since I didn't have my venting board then, I am going to use this as my big vent out moment.

Years and years of in-breeding have led to the birth of the strong engineering gene. All my friends are engineers and all my friends friends are engineers and so on. Unfortunately, there is no way out of this vicious cycle. Inevitably we seem to feel comfortable with our own kind, and why not? We are simple, straightforward folk, where logic makes a ton of sense and all else seems less important.

Unfortunately, this was more true when I was back in graduate school. You don't have enough money to buy fancy clothing, enough food and have many comforts. We ran to all the uninteresting and interesting events as long as we could smell free pizza. Similarly, I found many of my guy friends, all collecting tons of hanes tshirts at company functions, whether it was to launch a new product or a symposium, or a career fair. Some of my nerdy friends where quite happy with the accomplishment. As my dear friend put it. He had done his years worth of shopping. A compulsive shopper like me, of course, squirmed at such statements. But I did my version of the flip when I found the ubiquitous presence of product and company tshirts at all events since I have started working. At the Christmas party, at the grocery store, at the gym, in Vegas(!) and I finally lost it, when someone wore it on a date.

My main complaint is that these tshirts are not cool, or hot, they invariably never really fit well. They never even look nice when they are worn as under shirts. The best place to where them is when you are out mowing your garden, or cleaning the house, or want to show your loyalty at a company event, or in the nights, when you are going to bed,(even then its a bit of a turn-off) and finally as a rag. Unless, companies start custom making these tshirts with more sense of style and precision, I beg of you to please heed to this blogger's words, and try and make this world a beautiful place.

Heal the world!

the tech woman and her rants

2008-02-18T01:19:00.000-08:00

I found this while researching one of my blog entries. (believe me, I research).

http://headrush.typepad.com/creating_passionate_users/2006/12/tech_tshirts_ar.html

Enjoy!

Govinda bolo hari, govinda bolo harry!

2008-01-29T17:45:00.000-08:00

Folks, as it turns out that my writing days as a fashionista may soon be ending. I may be out of a job soon , and whatever I do next, I dont think I will be travelling enough to observe the travesties around my fashion world.
I was watching one of the earlier episodes of sex and the city today and there was an episode where Carrie dates a 20 something guy. She stays over at his place, and the next morning tries to get some coffee. As she walks through the world of urban-outfitter candles and the like, she realizes what an utter mistake she has made! The little episode however reminded me of a long forgotten woe, the tye and dye shirt. I know people across the world, are nodding their heads in unison at this one.
The tye and dye shirt is one of those multi-coloured ensembles which started out being trendy and chic in the 70s. The "organic" earth colors connected the phool-children to their Mother. And I bet the pschydelic effect that they created was quite delightful as they sucked in their penny's worth of "fresh air". Unfortunately, the govinda-bolo-harry genre is long out and now we are stuck with the remnants of this coolness.
I have nothing against the paganistic folks, mind you. I just hope that my hippie sisters and brothers will heed to this bloggers' words and stop perpetuating this 'happy' myth.
Colorful puke, we can live without!

Bewitched?

2007-12-18T07:11:00.000-08:00

I am blogging from my hometown in India and I am away on my soulful vacation. Yet, my angst continues to haunt me and here I am again, compelled to write. AAh. Such are the woes.
On a high note, I also observed the radical change that India has gone through in the past few years. A lot of people from all over the country have moved to the bigger cities in search of newer opportunities and better jobs. And the influx of the new crowd and fresh faces has radically changed the mindset of these cities. Young people revel in their new found confidence and expression. Before I digress and begin sounding like a political blogger, I should revert back to my original demonic self.
One of the things that has'nt changed is the giant impact that our film industry seems to have on our every day life - the style, the food, the vernacular continue to be strongly influenced by bollywood, tollywood, mollywood and the like. Or has it always been the other way round. I have never really figured it out.
As I was walking in another of the metropolis's hubs for young people, I watched what I thought was a genie walking right past me. This little 5 ft nothing girl, was walking in around in 'I dream of Genie' pants and a little tshirt on top. She seemed perfectly at ease in it. So much so, that I had to recheck my surroundings and make sure that I hadnt suddenly been transported into Aladdin's Arabia. Okay, I exaggerate. But, I was appalled nevertheless. Having attitude and confidence is one thing. Looking stupid and over confident is another. My dear sister explained to me that its been one of our up and coming heroines in some recent bollywood flick. Hence the pervasion of this hideous monstrosity on the streets of Hyderabad.
Its alright to ape and imitate something that your screen idols have worn, but perhaps its a good citizen's responsibility to check themselves in the mirror before they go out into the world to shock hapless victims.

the boy man

2007-11-16T09:26:00.000-08:00

Been long folks. I havent been travelling at all these past few weeks. A few odd trips in California dont count.
I figured I 'd dig deep through the annals of my dark mind and ferret out some fashion faux-pas that I had stored away. So here goes.
A long time ago, I was flying out early spring from the East Coast back to CA. The flight had been delayed and after a week of working hard I was eager to get back home. I was pretty oblivious to my surroundings and was wallowing in my own self-pity. The air was nippy and so everybody was dressed in semi-summery clothes with maybe a jacket and a sweater. I noticed this boy-man walking past me several times. I use the phrase boy-man loosely here..he was probably about 30 years old but looked more of a boy and less a man.
He caught my attention because he wasnt very tall(about 5ft 5 in), and he was standing next to this youngish woman who was pregnant. It was an odd match. She looked big and heavy and he looked rather tiny. Added to that was another of my pet peeves. He was wearing a formal icy blue shirt with a pair of beige cargo shorts. And the best part - he had a sweater over his shoulders with a knot in the front. A la Jack Mc farland from Will and Grace. Dont get me wrong, its not the fact that he looked gay that got me.
It reminded me of a guy I knew a loooong time ago. The second time I met him, he was dressed in a formal shirt and little short shorts(yeah, they make them for men too apparently)..and I remember teasing him endlessly about it back then. In fact I took him to a store and made him buy a tshirt then and there.
But that was a past life. These days I am a little more grumpy and dont have the energy to hoot my fashion horn.
Please people..especially men below 40..please heed to this blogger's advice and look around u before u go abt tying ur sweaters in the front and wearing super formal shirts on your cargo shorts!

Le scrunch crunch

2007-10-17T22:33:00.000-07:00

I have been meaning to write for a while now. Just running out of breath. Been so busy. I need a vacation.
My dear anonymous friend posed an interesting question that got me thinking. As people get older and older, why do they seem to slowly wither away. Their sense of style becomes drier and more sober. Perhaps, age and experience just sober you up. Or perhaps its just the nature of life. They go through the four seasons. It certainly got me thinking.
As I was flying a few weeks ago from Kansas city, (sidenote:which has the easiest airport I have been to till date), I boarded into a relatively small airplane. It was one of those planes where there are only two seats on either side. It was pretty entertaining as well. It had two, very nice ladies as stewardesses. They were particularly funny and super friendly. Interestingly they were probably in their mid to late 50s. They hadnt lost the chutzpah to life. And it was a delight to watch them. Reminded me of the Golden Girls(yeah, I watch that show)
Although, I was completely entertained, I made a mental not to self to write abt a fashion peeve that had briefly escaped my attention. One of the golden ladies had tied her blonde hair into a high pony tail with a black velvet scrunchie. To add to that, there was the gold ear rings and bright red lipstick. Instinctively, I had the reaction one has, when you scratch a blackboard with your finger nails. I quickly forgave herthough, given her pleasant attitude and demenaour.
But please people, scrunchies have been long out! I dont even know where one can buy them these days. But if you do find them somewhere, stay away and spare the rest of the poor souls like me please!

New York, New York

2007-08-15T10:24:00.000-07:00

Ola folks..I just returned from spending an exhilirating weekend in the fashion capital of the world - atleast my little world - New York City. Every sidewalk was a runway. People strutting their stuff on 5th avenue. A Carrie Bradshaw at every headturn. People struggling to exhibit their uniqueness in every sense. The week before I spent it in Gaithersburg, Maryland which is like any other suburb(yawn!) in the United States. The contrast between the two places was rather hard-hitting. Interestingly enough it was pretty ironic as well.

I was getting a croissant for breakfast at a little bakery around the corner when in walked the fashionista - a skinny, asian girl. pretty, in her mid-20s. Wearing cute shorts and a tshirt. Perfect for the hot-humid weather. Until I saw what she was wearing on her feet. She was wearing furry ugg-boots. In the middle of sweltering humidity and a 100 degrees, wearing ugg-boots with short shorts was not chic, it was geographically out of place. An interesting thought did cross my mind. I have been writing about how people are time displaced and seem to be in a time capsule. For the first time, I was witnessing a woman who lived in two hemispheres at once. OR maybe she thought wearing furry thick boots and shorts made her legs look skinnier.

Immediately I thought of this woman I saw in Gaithersburg, the previous week. She was a female gardener mowing the lawn and clearing out weeds. She was a latina woman in her mid-20s. She was dirty and covered in mud. But she looked like she had walked straight out of a fashion magazine. She was wearing beige pants with a dirty off-white shirt. She had rolled her sleeves to right above her elbows and was wearing a brown leather belt across her waist. Even under the dirt that she was covered in, she managed to look super stylish. As I said before it was pretty ironic. Style transcends boundaries.

2007-06-16T21:55:00.000-07:00

I spotted this outside a salon while I was in Oregon last week! (pic taken from my phone) Brought a big smile to my face.. Enjoy!

Kramerica anyone?

2007-05-25T10:48:00.000-07:00

I have been busy and lazy with my life. Sometimes you just drift and things just seem to be happening around you. Its like you took a remote control, hit pause and hit play again. Your life seems unchanged. Although real life around you seems to say something different. Before I digress, back to my usual venting.
I was travelling on the local train in Portland, Oregon to visit a local brewery when I came across my long forgotten woe. Portland is a beautiful city, scenic and modern and also very crowded. The train system seems to be rather excellent and is the main choice of transport for working people who worked outside the city.
As my colleagues and I settled in the comfort of our comfortable albeit unfamiliar surroundings(we love our cars), I was watching this young man who had just boarded the train. He was wearing formal work-clothes which suited him well. Sadly though, the moment he sat down, it hit me about what was wrong! The trousers were a little too short..just about half an inch or so shorter than his cuffs. And as he sat down and his pants went up, I could see glaring portions of his socks! It instantly reminded me of the character Kramer in Seinfeld. Kramer is seen in almost all episodes of Seinfeld wearing these ridiculous trousers. It adds an extra zing to his already quirky character and makes him what he is. But the rest of us are not lucky enough to make ourselves rich by wearing funny looking pants and still gather iconic status!
A dear friend of mine was recently telling me about how tricky it is to get tailor made clothes in the United States. We are surrounded by chains and chains of stores and nobody caters to a certain body style anymore. But some brands fit better than others, and perhaps its wise to take a moment and get simple things like the length of the pants straightened out, especially when they are formal work-pants. I wish them success in their quest!

Wash,rinse,repeat(the re-cycle)

2007-05-02T00:40:00.000-07:00

Last week has been interesting. I gotta chance to go to the "City of Love" to attend a fashion show. Really loved the show and thought some of the creations were pretty interesting. Will upload pics from the show a little later. The show was put together by students of fashion. The things they had learnt in their four year program from fabric making to dress design. Haute Couture. The works.
Needless to add, the crowd lived upto the fashion show. People all ages showed up in all sorts of fashion. From accessories to shoes to clothes to hats. Each in its own telling a little about their personality and perhaps their attitude. I was in absolute heaven. It was the best couple of hours I had spent in a long while.
Retro chic was largely "in". Polka dots, greta-garbo hats, headbands, scarves, hepburn-style pants, big super-size-sunglasses, big colorful prints, dobby-pants for men and women and the like. Suddenly I was transported back into the 60s again. Talk about recycling. Admittedly though, the clothes did look uber chic.
In the midst of all this creativity though was one person that stuck out like a sore thumb. The director of the fashion school! A woman about 45-50 years of age dressed in an ill-fitted suit with shoulder pads!!!! And the clincher - bold gold jewellery! As she stood there making the opening speech, I was cringing in pain. From what I had heard she was supposedly very wealthy and you could tell she had a sense of power and command. Whatever it was it didnt show from what she was wearing. Maybe she was trying to make up for the balance in this world. Or maybe she was a little ahead of her times..If people are going back to the 60s in their sense of style, maybe she just went back to the 80s when shoulder pads and gold jewelry was in!! Whatever it was, it wasnt working!

2007-04-20T14:35:00.001-07:00

I have a confession to make. Blogging against fashion-peeves has been therapeutic. Lately, I have noticed that I am not giving people a mental makeover as I meet them. In fact, I dont have the same anguish, I am slowly drifting into a bit of complacency as I become more forgiving of the violators.
As my dear anonymous friend commented on my last blog, I could really use a makeover myself and become a fashion cop. So I decided to wear my pink fashion police hat (an homage to 'legally blonde') and carry my shrill whistle and walk the country looking for violators. Sadly enough, it can only be wishful thinking as I still have my day job to keep! Still, I have two incidents to report as I went through the vagaries of my every day life.

I went to the optometrist the other day to finalize my contact lens prescription. This bitchy female doctor is there to welcome(how ironical) me and find out how comfortable I was with the prescription. I should have known she was bitchy right from when I saw her. The white coat threw me off briefly. As I was leaving the store, after having a violent moment with her, I noticed what she was wearing. She was wearing all black clothes(black top, black pants) and shiny red open-toed pumps. I figured the only thing she needed was a pair of horns and she would be ready for a halloween party.

Next, I was at the airport leaving Baltimore to travel to Los Angeles recently. It was a beautiful sunny day, about 75 degrees. It was going to be a long flight about 5 hours. People were in their summer best - shorts, capris and the like. As the flight continued to board though, I was looking for my shrill fashion-cop-whistle...so I could flag this couple down. The woman was about 33 and the man was around 35. They seemed very cosy, chic and ready. Ready to go skiing that is! They were both dressed from head to toe as if they were out on their yearly trip to Aspen. They would jump of the plane and ski away onto the diamond slopes. I couldnt understand what was going on. And this is spring for Pete's sake!

Welcome to hookerville!

2007-02-18T12:52:00.000-08:00

I have been travelling in and out of Northern California these days. My long travels across the country seemed to have temporarily stopped!(phew!)
For the kind of work I do, I rarely get to see my fellow team members. So it was a nice change to be in our Nor Cal office and I got to "hang" with a few of them. I work for an hardware engineering firm and as most of you probably are well aware we, engineers amongst other things, severely lack any sense of fashion. Rightly so, I guess. Our mind works in different dimensions and we rarely have a problem with it. We fall in love, marry and breed our kind. so we pass this legacy of lack of keen sartorial appeal to our generations to come!
I am not complaining, mind you. I am just observing.
I ran into one of our young project managers who had been away for the good part of the year on maternity leave. I have chatted with her before, and I somehow never seem to elicit enough (intelligent) responses from her to be able to carry on a conversation beyond 30 sec.
For some reason, on this ominous day(you will know why it was ominous in a few), she decided to show up at work in hot pink pants and a low cut black blouse! I immediately went to a stage of 'fashionaphylactic' shock and started jabbering away with her to cover my involuntary reaction.
Maybe she decided that she need to make a statement and let people know she was back in town! and needed to do it with some sense of panache! whatever it was, she succeeded in getting my attention.
But the strange thing is - that given that we are engineers, and the larger portion of the population consists of men, it probably went unnoticed!

Peeping Tom!

2007-01-26T14:10:00.001-08:00

Down, down, down..Alice fell into the rabbit hole without ever thinking how she will get back again. She saw a little door and was curious to find out what was behind it. It was locked. She looked around and found a key on the table. She unlocked the door and could see great beautiful gardens and many wonderful things. But she was too big to fit into the door.
Alice in Wonderland was wonderful. I am seeking inspiration from Lewis Caroll to use euphemisms to write my next blog!
Euphemisms, because I am trying to be subtle about it and dont have the gall to write explicitly. Women wearing pant suits was considered a big step for feminism. 'Nice' women wore skirts and blouses and that was that.
Times have changed and so has the mentality. In keeping with wearing 'formal' clothing at work, many women wear formal shirts along with their/skirts or trousers. The shirts, however, being not so friendly to the women's body, fit them like they would fit men. Things have gotten a little better. Nowadays, shirts have curves and waists. But, some women are better endowed than others and they leave a peeping hole between their second and third buttons because it doesnt fit perfectly!
Ladies, my only suggestion is that please correct what I can deem only as an honest mistake. Its not in the least bit sexy to have a peeping hole! So the next time you are out doing your power shopping, I would suggest that you definitely take steps to ward off any peeping toms!

doughnuts are made of (w)holes!

2007-01-11T22:32:00.000-08:00

Atoms form molecules. Molecules form matter. and so on and so forth. This has been the nature of life. The point I am trying to make with this analogy is that ultimately the idea of a "whole" is our truth. No, I have not gone bonkers. I am not trying to get into metaphysics or have become deeply philosophical. In a minute you will understand where I am trying to go with this.
There are people of course who choose to defy this absolute banal truth and pretend as if it never existed at all!
These are the people who you see, men and women walking in a mall/airport/street, without any clue that they are defying science! They behave as if their upper half of the body and their low half of the body belonged to two different people. Human beings are not always the perfect 10 models. They dont grow proportionately wide everywhere. some have convex curves and some none at all. Some are top heavy, and some are bottom heavy. Some gain fat and have huge girths.
However, if you walk into a mall, the bottom heavy ones will buy size 10 jeans and buy a Size 'small' for the top! its as if they would rather believe that as long as they are able to fit into the 'small' top..there is hope in this world..some day you will be able to buy those size 2 jeans to go with your small top! Until that day however, please try and apply the norms of metaphysics to your sense of fashion!

the HQ (hair quotient)

2006-12-18T23:29:00.000-08:00

I was talking to a dear friend today and was reminded gently that my readers were waiting(just a little flattery never hurt)! so..without much ado. first the apology. Sorry for not writing for so long!
next my pet peeve.
When I was a child, I used to visit an ophthalmologist for getting my new glasses. The doc was a good friend of my fathers. And as he was testing me for my eye sight, he would do the queer thing of putting the light into my eyes and make me look at something on the wall, while he looked closely at my retina. Sometimes he would deviate and say things like , "Keep looking at my ear". I would look and couldnt help but suppress giggles at the jut of hair popping out of his ears.
After all these years, the giggles have just turned into a little bit of disgust as I have known more and more men esp Indian men who have not been able to keep their hirsutedness under check.
These are young men between the ages of 20 and 40. I dont know if its some new gypsy thing that has caught on, or they are all trying to collectively defy metrosexuality or start some new age revolution! But whatever it is, its not working...
These men have forests of hair coming out of their noses/ears/that-one-hair-sticking-out-of-the-eyebrow. Guys, one piece of advice - unless you want to remind everyone of how evolution started..just do everyone a favor and groom yourself a wee-bit. You dont have to work towards being the next GQ man but next time before you step out of the bathroom just make sure that the HQ is taken care of!

breakfast at tiffanys(!!)

2006-09-13T10:54:00.000-07:00

In the movie 'Breakfast at Tiffany's' the main characters Paul and Holly celebrate by doing things neither of them has done before. Paul has never had champagne before breakfast. Holly has never been on a walk in the morning and Paul has never been to Tiffany's. They try to shop for something for under $10 at Tiffany's and pass up the silver telephone dialer.
Whether this movie has anything to do with the fashion mishap I am going to write about or not, I am not sure. But it was a great movie.
Time and again, I have come across friends wearing these pieces of jewellery given to them by their loved ones. My black friend in Florida had silver ear rings and a necklace to match from Tiffany's given to her with love for Christmas from her sister. My sweet friend in California has one such bracelet from her fiance. As romantic and sweet these gestures may be, sadly enough, these pieces of jewellery just remind me of those prison bracelets that were once worn by prisoners with their identification number on them. Or those bracelets worn by porters in India.
Some demented designer imitated these designs. Engraved the words Tiffany and sold them to the poor souls.
Please people, I know you love your loved ones. But a lesson has to be taught and learnt somewhere, I suggest that you defy the norms and stand tall against these fashion violators!

the everyday gecko

2006-08-28T12:29:00.000-07:00

sometimes I hit a blogger's block. Its not because the world has suddenly become filled with beautifully dressed people, its just me. since I owe it to my readers, I am going to force myself to blog.
Saturday afternoon, I was on a hike at half moon bay. and in front of me walked this woman with a new fashion peeve - camouflage capris.
Whats with people wanting to wear camouflage clothes. They come in all shapes and forms. Cargo pants/shorts/capris/ skirts/dresses/even a string bikini/tshirts. i dont get the concept. Have we all decided that we may have to hide behind the bushes anytime soon? Has the orange alert really gotten to us?
The chameleon changes its colors to make itself invisible. Hence it becomes green, brown whenever its in that type of flora/fauna.
We, normal humans, however have no such need. The large green leaf like things have been used by the military so they can be concealed on one of their 'missions'.
So my request to yall...unless you are a military wannabe, please please discard ur camos.

trapped in The BirdCage

2006-08-23T18:08:00.000-07:00

a little sleepy, blogging from the Phoenix airport. thank God for free web access!
today was quite an important day. there was a lot of preparation for this day. An important customer was going to come and view this new technology that I was demo-ing. The customer was a 'power woman'. she held a real high posn with a biG company and was known to be a tough cookie. (trust me..this description is important)I was actually scared of meeting her.
So me and the rest of the team are waiting for her to come. She walks in with her entourage(but of course..people like her always have an entourage..eye roll).
One look at her and all my tension vanished. For all the hype, and my expectations of her...she walked in looking a little more like Nathan Lane in The birdcage and a little less like Roseanne.
Her hair, the drag-queen eye makeup, the caky foundation, the bright red rouge. I expected her to break into 'We are family' , any moment. Her hair had been styled with those big roller curls. I am sure she had stayed up in the night trying to make her hair look 'pretty'.
I could tell though why nobody had informed her of new fashions. People probably were too intimidated of her and just liked to pander to her ego and nobody dared say anything abt the big hairdo or the big eyes!
And surprisingly enough, I have actually run into people like her before. And they have the exact same make up.
But her big gaffe gave me courage...and of course bad goosebumps.

instant gratification?

2006-08-11T01:01:00.000-07:00

been bored to death. today i ran into an interesting incident. the orange alert at the airports created a chaos of sorts. people were asked to throw away things with liquids in them - lip gloss, lip stick, moisturiser, tooth paste and the works..everybody was complaining about it.
As I was standing in line, this middle-aged woman(she must be 35..is that middle-aged)..comes along. pretty face. makeup. a little bit of a shocker was her lavender tshirt which said - 'instant gratification' in several different places.
I was kind of stunned. Perhaps, I have a limited knowledge of the english language. or maybe I had a dirty mind. But I could only think of one meaning. Women that age sporting explicit logos like that were asking for too much.
The funny thing is - that my opinion about these kind of borderline lewd tshirts and people wearing them was reinforced a few minutes later.
In the course of some random conversation, I was talking about how irksome the lines can be especially when you have to travel for work. This woman looks at me and asks, 'what is it that you do again hun?'. Innocently enough I explained that I was a consulting engineer. Her reply - ' I know my friends who travel way too much. and they are upto no good! They are all hookers'
Go figure!

White sucks(whoops) n formal shoes(esp black)

2006-07-27T01:28:00.000-07:00

People. I am back with a vengenace. Have u noticed that if you look at ugliness long enough, you forget ugliness and it just becomes non-ugly.
An old forgotten woe, was reminded by a new friend who brought it to my attn last week.
I choose my words carefully, cause I am hoping to make my next point without malice. Non-Ugly is a very simple word. Not too much on the other side.
Imagine you see a well dressed guy walking by, you check him out. head to toe. and like a mustang on highway-1 hitting a speed breaker you are just hit. There are no air bags to protect you! without any warning...
by the biggest fashion faux-pas. The WHITE SOCKS. not the baseball team. but the white socks under formal leather shoes. Why, oh why?? My senses just lament.
I think its because you can buy them by the doz and they are cheap. Unfortunately, cheaper by the doz has nothing to do with it. I have seen these people add to my misery!!! they wear worn-out white socks under black formal shoes....dont know which is the bigger crime..

2006-07-17T13:29:00.000-07:00

Old Hollywood/Bollywood movies showed the main protagonist of the movies with the top few buttons of their shirt open. Their Chest Hair peaking out. And the thick gold necklace to show a sign of opulence and sexiness all rolled into one.
This gentle people, was in the 80s. Wake up and roll into the new millennium..Wearing a gold necklace is not an option. Especially not for any non-black folks. Jewellery of any kind, barring finger rings(only ur engagement/wedding band) looks good only on the brothers but no others...(aha! poetry crept in)
Whoever told you that you look sexy with your top buttons open and a thick gold necklace showing is probably from Tennessee. Where the Elvis hangover hasnt gone yet. But all others, beware, that person is your enemy.

Animal Farm

2006-05-13T23:27:00.000-07:00

Finally got an oppty to find material to write. Apologies to my readers!(wonder if I have any:))
I was at Tulsa, OK the entire last week again on official travel. And lo and behold, I found my material as soon as I landed!
Without much further ado, presenting (drumroll)- the animal print!
Every third woman(ok, i am exaggerating a lil), in Oklahoma wore some kind of animal print. The most popular was of course the leopard print. Young and old women alike wore them in the form of dresses/shirts/pants. Gift shops at the terminal had luggage which was made out of them. Women carried vanity bags made in the same print.
the word 'hideous' in this case is too literal. You wear the hides of these animals to look -glamorous?????
I guess they are trying to waken up their wilder instincts by wearing these "hide"ous outfits.
its not only ladies in Oklahoma who are accused of this serious fashion crime. I have seen everything from zebras to leopards being converted into some sort of accessory - a purse, head band, a belt, shoes have these prints all across the country.
If the animals in the jungle had any legal representation, the designers would be being sued for this fashion crime!
Ladies, just some good advice - unless you were working for PETA and you were tryng to make a point about animal cruelty, please dont be seen outside carrying these natures' aberrations.

the happy shirt

2006-04-20T10:07:00.000-07:00

I have been sitting in an interesting software training class all week. (sidenote: the instructor sounds like ben stein)As I havent been out to see the daylight, I had to find my next pet-hate in my confined circumstance. And I did. Even in the small population its not hard to find 'em.
Without further ado, announcing - "the happy shirt"
The happy shirt is the shirt that you wear on occasions you are happy. There is the holiday shirt, with flowers, fruits, other flora/fauna on it. These shirts were made for vacationing. You will find 'em on your flight to Hawaii/Florida/the caribbean/Mexico to show how "happy" you are going to be in the next few weeks. And maybe the next few week as a hangover from your holiday.
There is the other sweater which comes in the same category - the holiday sweater. This is the ugly sweater with tons of things - from christmas trees to bells to reindeers and Kris Kingles..only meant and sold during the holiday season. From Thanksgiving to Xmas.
When they made these pieces of garments, they were made with a destiny in mind. To change their destiny and wear it out of their contexts is a crime. A fashion crime.
Why do people still want to wear them long after their vacations or in highly inappropriate places(like the software training class), I fail to understand. Perhaps, they want to have a constant reminder that the vacation is not far away. Perhaps, they love xmas so much that they dont want to let go.
My earnest request to those people is that please look at those reminders in snapshots of your sweet memories. Your photographs. Please dont try and make us poor souls part of your "happy" memory...

Alphabet Land

2006-04-15T15:10:00.000-07:00

A B C D E FG
H I JKLMNOP
QRSTUVW
XYZ
Now I know my abc, next time wont you sing with me?

I was at a dinner party yesterday with some very pretty well-dressed women. One of them was carrying my pet-hate as an accessory. The monogrammed purse.
Louis Vuitton, Yves St Laurent, Dooney and Bourke, Coach drive me nuts. Louis Vuitton is probably the worst. They have it plastered all over the place! Their signature. LV LV LV LV.
There is no chic sophistication in creating a purse with the letters of the alphabet all over them!! No beauty. Its not artistic or even pretty to look at. if anything they look garish. A slap on the face of aesthetics.
I think its an insult to all humanities intelligence to be seen carrying these purses.
All these designers have the arrogance to think that they dont have to create a beautiful piece of art for these women. Its very philosophical actually. If you think about it.
The purses are just used blatantly to flaunt their wealth. Its like they are saying - I dont need anything to be aesthetic. I can just carry an ugly piece of material. Put the letters LV/YVL/DB whatever over it. And it will mean that I have a lot of money(they cost anywhere between $250 - $3000 bucks) and that means I obviously can buy anything I want. And thats all anyone in this world cares about anyways, right? WRONG!
Worse yet, are the people who buy the fake ones! Or maybe they have a sense of humor...
Ladies, we have to collectively rebel against the arrogance of these mindless designers. We should bring back the art of good aesthetic wear. We owe it to ourselves!

VPL - Visual public lewdness

2006-04-11T00:42:00.000-07:00

A friend from a past life once told me that his biggest turn on was VPL. Apparently, his wife actually points these out to him when they are out in public. VPL, to us ignoramuses, is an abbreviation for Visual Panty Lines.
It has affected women since time immemorial. Before a woman gets out of the house, the one thing she does check for are these excruciating yet unscrutable details - which is the visual panty lines. Especially when she is wearing those snugly pants or the arch nemesis the white pants. And thus was born the invisible panty line - the thong. Women wear this uncomfortable piece of cloth to make invisible the panty line. My sympathies to them.
Why is it that men never ever seem to have this issue? Why dont men have VPLs?
I am confused about my stand on the issue though.
On a whim, I surveyed some of the men I know about their stand on this issue. I classify the men into three types - the-ones-whose-opinion-matters, the perverts and the inconsequentials.
The Towoms are guys who have a reasonable attitude towards all mankind. They are open minded, sensible kind of guys. The ones most women like to go out with, but cant really seem to find.
The Perverts are guys who have an X-Ray machine in their heads and probably X-Ray every woman in their spectrum. They probably even x-ray their neighbors grandmom.
The inconsequentials are guys whose opinion doesnt really matter. You dont even care if they cease to exist.
So I did a surveyed my Towoms. And guess what ladies! therez good news.
They were surprised that women even care about these things! They said they never check out women's butts and go - "Ooops! she is wearing a panty!".
So ladies, relax, next time you get out dont get too frenzied if you have a VPL.

old mc donald had a farm..EIEI YeW!

2006-04-07T12:50:00.000-07:00

Yes people. The topic of today's discussion is another fashion peeve - the overalls. Men and Women alike bought these overalls. They tried to glam them up. They hacked the legs off, called 'em short alls. They wore skanky spaghettis under 'em to give that naughty slutty look. Alas! The only person to have the last laugh was ole Mc D.
Even our coolest hip-hoppers couldnt sex 'em up enough. Some of the homies even tried it without a shirt/tshirt inside..to give just a hint of appeal. Well, whaddya know. The overalls still look good only in one place- the farm.
Wait, they look good even on the preggers mamas-to-be. They look kind of cute with the baggie earth-mother look. I guess they look comfortable in them and thus they make good maternity clothes.
They make good work clothes too. Like when you are painting a wall, or being grease monkey.
Because once you are done with your tasks you remove 'em.
So please please hot mamas, (pretty please!), lets take those cute overalls off, and store them in the closet until one of the above mentioned occasions arise, or when the stork comes to visit the next time?

The bag ladies

2006-04-02T23:12:00.000-07:00

Movie Theaters are another interesting place to watch people. Especially Indian movie theaters. Men and women make an effort to look good, dress in their weekend best. As I was doing my usual people watching, I found new material for my blog walking past me - the tiny backpack.
The tiny backpack has been an eyesore since the late nineties. I saw it back in college when young girls found it convenient to use the tiny leather backpacks to carry their books to college. The tinier, the better. Thats how we got educated in those days:)
Then came its big sister, the transparent tiny backpack. The fashionably elite, carried colorful stuff in it - I was told, thats how you make it look trendy.
Now its come full circle, where women continue to use this eyesore in place of a hand bag or a purse. I suppose they like to keep their hands free so they can use it to gesticulate easily. They remind me of those tea-pickers in the Happy Valley Plantations in Assam with their baskets on their backs, so they could pick leaves and put it into their baskets easily. Perhaps, the creator of this bag found his inspiration in Darjeeling. And found like-minded souls and sold it to them.
Or maybe they have broken up with a boyfriend and dont want to pick his calls up. They leave the phones in these funny bags so its rather unwieldy for them to get his calls. or helps them resist the temptation to pick up the phone and give him a call.
I doubt though, that all the bag ladies have broken up with their boyfriends...
Ladies, let me advise you. The tiny backpacks are a big mistake. They were never supposed to be created in the first place. Now that they have been created, we need'nt buy them. Even if you own one of them, please discard them. Dont donate them, dont reuse them. Just use the basics of evolution and then thankfully, they will become extinct.

I am the Macho Man

2006-03-30T11:23:00.000-08:00

If you have ever watched WWE when it was WWF, you may have seen Shawn Michaels or Macho Man come out of the curtains, baring their teeth, long hair and all, trying to intimidate their opponents by yelling all sorts of profanities. And if you observe their clothing, they wear colorful spandex or lycra sleeveless Ts. And in their attempt to intimidate, they tear open their sleeveless Ts.
The point of this long story is that even WWE wrestlers know that these Ts for men are a no-no. Alas, if all the other folks were as conscious!
I have no clue why any grown man show up in public wearing these things. First of all, there is only one use for this thing: for Hot Weather. If its really killing you and its scorching hot, then show up wearing it. Or at the beach, where you can get a sun burn.
In all other cases it should NOT be used.
Young men wearing them as stylish clothing. Middle aged men wearing them over a pair of shorts. Worse yet, their soft tummies kind of protruding out of them. Or people who have absolutely no muscles anywhere on their bodies wearing em. I see skinny asian boys wearing them all the time. Makes me think of Will Farrel in "The Anchorman" where he keeps pointing to his muscle less arms and calling them "the Big Guns".
Worse yet, guys with big muscles wearing these ts. It makes them look obscene, and its like their pushing their machismo in our faces. "Yeah baby, I AM the Macho Man".

Shear Shear baby(?)

2006-03-28T21:07:00.000-08:00

This is an SOS to all ya people out there around who time has just frozen. This, mind you is not a compliment. They are in this fashion capsule where they got this cool hair cut, these cool shoes, these plaid jackets and they are hip n happenin. Until.
Until, some years go by, may be some decades but they seem rather unaware of it.
A fine example of the point I am trying to make are people with Mullets. Yes, they exist! They sport these in-between hair cuts - I call them in-between because thats what they are, they are not masculine, the arent feminine, they fall some where well, in-between, completely unaware that life around them has evolved. These are people possibly in their 40s, 50s.
The first time I saw them was at a Def Leppard concert about two years ago. I was stunned. I thought may be they were all collectively pulling a fast one on me. With mullets, leather jackets and leather pants and all. Apparently not.
I ran into these Mullet people again in Chicago. There they were. Confident. Loud laughter. And the best part was they seemed to stick together. Isnt it strange, that when you find one person with a bad hair cut.. All the other friends the person has seem to have equally bad haircuts as well?
Please people...mullets when out when Vanilla sky did..And that was a long time ago. Therez nothing wrong with enjoying good times..but sometimes the good times are best left as good memories. Its time to move on.

Your Janitor's best friend - the mop

2006-03-27T20:34:00.000-08:00

Its me again folks! the fashionista...
Today as I was sitting in the shuttle from Phoenix airport terminal to rental car terminal my fashiondar set off..I actually had goose bumps before I even turned my head. The classic perm. Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman" as a hooker with the wet perm look and the shaggy eyebrows actually looked hot. But ladies, lets just face it. She is Julia Roberts, you are not.
The wet perm look is gone...It just reminds one of a wet mop. The janitor in your building probably has better use for it.
What irks me more is that the perm is badly done. And then, they use these shiny hairsprays. As if their mop is not quite enough, they have to rub it into your face by making it shiny, and stiff as if trying to say - here, take it, this is me.
The mop, ladies, is OUT. Please let it stay where it looks best - in the closet. Let your hair takes it natural course. The way the almighty intended..

Mom Jeans

2006-03-26T14:01:00.000-08:00

I was watching the reruns of the ever-famous "Friends". Jennifer Aniston before her fashion diva status committed this flagrant error and looked bad in it - waist down. She wore "Mom Jeans". Mom Jeans are jeans that were popular in the late 80's and early '90s. These are the jeans which begin at your stomach and cover it all from there on. I think the idea was to cover up the stomach area with some hard denim cloth to make the women look slimmer. Unfortunately, the flab is tougher to conceal even by denim....if you get me drift.
You need pilates/yoga/or those hard crunches which will help you get rid of it. And trust me..that apart from lipo suction is the only way to get rid of your flabby tummy and abdomen without spilling over.
Unfortunately, while the youngsters have caught on..there are still mommies who were young once and wearing those denims were hip back then, continue to be a major eye sore in these fashion no-nos.
Again. The best place to find them is airports. They are all over the place. Spotting even one of them can spoil your journey:)..okay i am exaggerating. But its still very very bad.
Please ladies..burn those jeans, and tell your friends who have them too to BURN them?
Here's to low waist denims...

Look out Abercrombie and Fitch

2006-03-24T13:18:00.000-08:00

I travel a lot because of my work and hence I am in the cornucopia of the best runway to showcase fashion(or the lack of it) in this world - the airport.
I have a grievance against men 27 and above wearing tight Abercrombie and Fitch tshirts. Men, just a piece of advice - by bearing your breasts out(have you seen their nipples sticking out of those tight tshirts?)..you are not going to look any younger. You can pretend all you want. But thats the truth.
Which makes me wonder-Did you ask the mirror on the wall before you left home? "Who is the youngest of them all".
I want to look in the psyche of these people. They must be deeply insecure or they must be schiziophrenic. The first one because you are making an attempt to pretend to be someone you are not. These are the same guys who will ride skateboards to work. Or wear accessories - shell necklaces(you wore in the spring break in the '90s). or maybe show off their cute boxers from the back of their low low cut jeans.
Schiziophrenic-because all this makes sense to him because his sense of reality is defined by himself, and therefore he perceives his sense of style to be in perfect sync with the rest of his world. Or even better, he does'nt care.
Then there is the third kind - People who dont give a shit about what the world thinks. They want to do their thing. I admire this kind..but something tells me that they are few and far between.
It confuses poor souls like me who brand your clothes with your personality.
So next time you wear your A & Fs outside..just remember what you want to convey to the world out there.