High Heel Unconfidential

This post largely applies to the ladies. So boys if you are reading, please don't get bored, you may pick up a thing or two about us that you didn't know about. So patience.

Today, as a rare sighting at my workplace, as I was walking to the cafeteria, I came across this really tall, stylishly dressed girl. Now, if you lived amongst people, who wore jeans and sweatshirts everyday in a large technology company and you suddenly noticed anyone even remotely put together, you would label them a fashionista. As I have been called. Mind you, as I say this, due to unfortunate circumstances, I have been wearing sneakers to work. *Gasp*. I know, I know. But my life is in shambles right now, and my one pair of CK heels broke and hear I am walking in the horrid rain in Portland, and taking public transport in my tennis shoes. I am ranting now. But, I am sure you can sympathise.
Any way, getting back to the topic. This tall girl, was walking in front of me, and I was even making a mental note of what she was wearing, I noticed her walking funny. And staring South, I realized, she was wearing 4 inch heels that didnt fit her well, and she wobbled.
Ladies, ladies, ladies. My mantra has always been "style before comfort". But if you are going to look like a horse trotting in those uncomfortable shoes, instead of looking confident and sassy, maybe, just maybe its time to switch to "chic and confident" instead of wobble-wobble? Now, I'll concede that there is no replacement to wearing high heels. They elongate your look, give you a better posture, and overall make your legs look sexy like nothing else can. Men, however, with their diminished observation powers, however perk up when they see a pair of stilletoes. A stilleto to them says many things - sexy, confident, sassy, and bold. Yes. Not a wallflower bold. And if you went the other way - as in platform stilletoes or transparent stilletoes a Mrs. Hulk hogan with platinum blonde highlights and fake boobs, then we have another blog post coming up.
But you get my drift.
Here's my advice. First, there are some ground rules to follow when you buy heels especially if you are a new heel wearer. Second, for all others, invest in one good pair of shoes instead of buying 2 bad ones.
And third, stand tall.

Ho-Ho-Ho!

Ok. So it seems like I havent posted in years. Well its been 6 months, but feels like years. So, why break the smooth silence. After all, I am sure I dont have anymore readers left:) But, the holiday season and lots of parties brings forth the needed socialisation. All the smiles and pretties out in their best winter wear.
I went to one such party of a friend of a friend which was quite fabulous. Now this was an interesting party with the girl-boy ratio rather skewed. Also, interestingly all the men and women were in the age group of 28-34. A rather interesting age group, where everyone was a true outlier. Successful in their careers, unsure about what to do for love, most of them were single.
Of course one such outlier, and this my friends, is the oh-so-delcious-what-gets-abby-mad part. So pay attention -
This outlier really really wanted to stand out. I mean really. And she succeeded. There is a lesson in this story somewhere mind you. I was a little overwhelmed with the heat in the crowded apartment and the large numbers of shouting, screaming people. So when the mist cleared and I had my first sighting of this lady, well no not lady, abomination, I had to rub my eyes to make sure I was seeing right. Just because its Christmas time, and you need to bring all your "goodies" in a jar, you neednt literally put them in blinged out white halter made with White shiny viscose. The angels were singing somewhere that night. This epitome of pure virginity.
I almost barfed. On top of it, well on the bottom of it rather, she wears a short black ruffle skirt with black tights and pointy toed grey fur high heels.
Do you think this is a cosmic coincidence, where someone up there wanted me to resume writing in a hurry. I mean how do you explain this? We are weeks away from halloween. This half-elfy-half-ducky-mostly-slutty creature, yes it is a creature, should not have been let out of the house without a leash.
Secondly, it seemed like her milkshaker was in bejewelled halter top seemed to be enough bling to blind most people from checking the rest of the ensemble out. I guess that is the fashion lesson we can learn from this experience. If you dont have anything else going for you, confuse them with cleavage. Oh well.
And the worst part of my evening. Every time she passed by me, in that crowded living room of nearly 50 people, my hair involuntarily stood up. It was like I was being given minor zaps. Zzzzz.ZZ.ZZZ.
So my advice to you all. Old age does catchup with folks. The attention of men and those around us does mitigate. I understand you wanting to put all your goodies out there, I am not going to judge your slutty look.

But please please, can we upgrade to an escort-style instead of a streetwalker?

Everyone should have a pair

of these.

Aviator.SunGlasses
I love love love Aviators. Aviators are equal opportunity appeal-enhancers! No matter what race, color, sex you are, aviators look good on everyone. I especially like the modified aviators that are a tad different from the top-gun-tom-cruise-aviators and love them in gold and gunmetal!

If you are looking for a new pair to buy, these are perfect! No, Rayban isnot paying me, I just want the world to be filled with hot looking people!

Roses are red, violets are blue. I smell sweet and so should you!

I hate meetings. Any kind of meeting. If a meeting is longer than 30 min, my ADD invariably takes over, and I drift into a happy cloud of random thoughts. If no one is around me, I quickly sneak a look at my Facebook newsfeed. Yes. I am addicted.
I sat in a long meeting today.Tired. 3:00 p.m. Me every bit ready to drift into my happy zone. It was an important meeting in a tiny conference room. with 6 men and one other woman. Really packed. Tight, and you couldnt turn around without stepping on someone's foot. Which I did successfully btw. So no FB sneaking. I was left to my thoguhts to entertain me. Its an art you know, to look deeply interested, while your mind is thinking of the Lebanese boy you saw checking you out in the cafe. Alas, no such luck. Instead, I am forced. Yes. Forced. To write about this flagrant faux pas that even yours truly ashamedly committed atleast twice.
So I sat in this meeting, patiently trying to get through 5 min. When it hit me. A cloud of BO hovering over our heads. I looked around. Panicked. There was no escaping this meeting. No-excuse-me-let-me-get-my-mask-on. I sat there frozen. Breathing in the stench. Yes. The stench. Everybody in the room reeked. No environmentally friendly people with their placards shouting slogans of "Stop Air pollution". Or "We demand clean air". Just me swallowing small spurts of thickly foul scented body odor. I was gasping. If it was appropriate, I would be wildly flailing my arms to get me an oxygen mask. But. No. Such. Protection. For. Poor.ME. Instead, I took it like a man. The worst one hour I have ever spent. Next time, I am going to go in with a lace perfumed handkerchief. And cover my nose.
An old friend has argued repeatedly with me that underneath our fabulous facades, human beings are just animals. And under the right circumstances we would all behave like one. We would hunt, mate and survive based on our corest instincts. From that evolved the animal's core sense of smell which helped them identify who their enemies were and such. I hope somehow this stupid theory has not pervaded our lives. Maybe a memo was sent out for all midlevel managers to collectively stop using deo. How else could I explain this collective defiance of human decency.
Ladies and Gents. Bad BO is a common problem most adults have. Its the food we eat, and the bad chemicals we consume. Even worse are those people that try to hide it under their perfumes. Perfumes do not help BO. If anything they make it worse. Growing up in a hot overpopulated country like India, personal space in a public setting is a luxury. People in buses, trains, and other public transport. Reek. You can tell what people have had for lunch by the way they smell. Garlic. And Onion sweat are the worst.
I have the same problem with the opposite set of folks. Who think dabbing themselves in perfume is actually dousing themselves in perfume. You know what I am talking about. After they leave the entire elevator, your hallway and garage has their smell.

Lets repeat the mantra of success - moderation is the name of the smell game. Unless, you naturally smell like a fresh bouquet of flowers, please please people wear a deodarant everyday. They are all available in different smells. In different sizes. In sprays or sticks. For a buck a piece. I beg of you to please, please invest in one!

"The twilight Saga"

You're really lovely
Underneath it all
You want to love me
Underneath it all
-Gwen Stephanie(No doubt)

I have a confession to make. I stalk people. Yes, shamelessly facebook stalk. But who doesnt? Isnt our whole life's mission to know more about other people's lives. Isnt that why reality shows are such a huge success? As my travel for work has greatly reduced, FB has become my veritable source of life. Pop culture, the news, sports, music, and also angst. Alas, yes, my pretties, the ugly head bobs again. I return, embittered. Fine. I exaggerate.
As I was getting my usual healthy dose of FB spying, suddenly a whiff of chilled air touched me. I will explain why soon. I was looking at some of my friend's friend's pictures. Dont you love when you can unabashedly, look at pictures of friends of friends, and then their friends. Ah, the level of stalking are limitless.Okay, you dont want to be my FB friend anymore. Fine. But, I digress. So I did look, unabashedly that is. And there I found my oldest, darkest fear, relived. I felt like I had seen a character straight of The-ultimate-teen-fantasy, "The Twilight" movie. Alas, if the lady in question was anything as delectable as the Pattinson boy, I would have forgiven this particular faux pas. In keeping with the Asian obsession(perhaps, the Indian obsession) with the "fair" skin, my victim in question had painted(lets call a spade a spade) her face - white. Alas, she looked anything but. Next thing, I hoped, she would prop open her kurta(it was a an-indian-party-at-a-famous-bschool), and reveal a kimono and break into a demure Geisha-like dance. Nothing of the sort happened. Unfortunately, I am hardly forgiving of the mistake. I can imagine, her top MBA education coming in handy when she probably bullied the woman behind the makeup counter in giving her the "Ivory" foundation, when she should have gone "Tan".
As I grew up in the sweltering heat in India, I have seen relatives of mine, wear mismatched foundations and compacts that run down their expensive silk sarees, only to reveal, the horrible mismatch in their complexions. There was good reason for it. Back in the day, the beauty of a woman was measured only as the index of her skin color. The lighter she was, the more beautiful she was. And so, the foundation, amongst other things, helped Indian women enhance their "fairness quotient".
But this day and age, and in this country where we are proud to tout our uniqueness, ladies, I beg you to please please, spend the time to find the right foundation and/or pressed powder. Please stop from becoming indirect promoters for all vampire movies. You dont want to look like you have been exhumed out of a coffin. Better yet, if you dont know how to find the right color, dont wear any at all. Just show up with a smile and conquer the world!

Dancing queen, dancing queen

I loved the ABBA song.
Last night as I was hanging out at wonderful PCG, drinking in the skyscraper views with a wonderful Willamette Valley Pinot Noir(dont I sound poetic), I remembered this one friend and why she made me cringe every time I met her on different social occasions. The strappy spandex like dresses and the clinginess in all the wrong places just sent shivers down my spine.
I think my biggest complaint with these outfits is the unevennesss of the bottom seam of the dress. You know what I am talking about. Bottoms of dresses and some times bottoms of tops, cut zig zag. Making the wearer look like she walked out straight from the Flintstones era. There is a reason that some of us dont want to look like neanderthals, and dont want to roam around in rags. I think some demented designer decided that straight was too boring and lets go all crazy and rip off the bottoms into whatever shape and the world would be a more exciting place.
It brings me to a moral dilemma, should I tell this friend subtly to stop wearing that outfit? For other people out there, I beg of you to lead this neanderthal outfit down its darwinian path - please please eliminate by selection?

"The Velveteen habit"

Lol. I love the title, I crack myself up:)
This is a long over due blog post. Almost 3 years old now and still relevant. I didnt write about it way back then out of sheer good manners and because it involved my roommate. We never really became friends and the faux pas is unforgivable so here goes. Back in the 80's I think, the velvet look was really popular. Velvet, with its soft and lustrous texture was synonymous with luxury. I remember when I was 7, I had a brown velvet frock with poofy gold sleeves and a giant bow in the back. I loved the dress then.
But, times have passed and the once luxurious look is completely jaded. My roommate, one day brought out this absolute hideous dress made completely in velvet and embellished with pearls and some other intricate work. The dress made her look atleast 30 years older, but she was so awestruck by the magnificence of the dress that I couldnt tell her. I have seen people show up for holiday parties and elsewhere in velvet gowns, skirts(ugh), pants and Indian dresses(Salwars and even saree blouses). The material does not contour well to the human body and makes the wearer look frumpy and old. They end up looking more like moss covered tree trunks. Even worse is to see this out of shape dress embellished with something blingy. Ladies, please take my advice. Accessories made with velvet - clutches, belts , bracelets are all acceptable. I even like demure colored jackets made in velvet. They add a touch of class to the outfit you are wearing.
Other than that, unless you want to end up looking like a carpet, please refrain from this look!