Ho-Ho-Ho!

Ok. So it seems like I havent posted in years. Well its been 6 months, but feels like years. So, why break the smooth silence. After all, I am sure I dont have anymore readers left:) But, the holiday season and lots of parties brings forth the needed socialisation. All the smiles and pretties out in their best winter wear.
I went to one such party of a friend of a friend which was quite fabulous. Now this was an interesting party with the girl-boy ratio rather skewed. Also, interestingly all the men and women were in the age group of 28-34. A rather interesting age group, where everyone was a true outlier. Successful in their careers, unsure about what to do for love, most of them were single.
Of course one such outlier, and this my friends, is the oh-so-delcious-what-gets-abby-mad part. So pay attention -
This outlier really really wanted to stand out. I mean really. And she succeeded. There is a lesson in this story somewhere mind you. I was a little overwhelmed with the heat in the crowded apartment and the large numbers of shouting, screaming people. So when the mist cleared and I had my first sighting of this lady, well no not lady, abomination, I had to rub my eyes to make sure I was seeing right. Just because its Christmas time, and you need to bring all your "goodies" in a jar, you neednt literally put them in blinged out white halter made with White shiny viscose. The angels were singing somewhere that night. This epitome of pure virginity.
I almost barfed. On top of it, well on the bottom of it rather, she wears a short black ruffle skirt with black tights and pointy toed grey fur high heels.
Do you think this is a cosmic coincidence, where someone up there wanted me to resume writing in a hurry. I mean how do you explain this? We are weeks away from halloween. This half-elfy-half-ducky-mostly-slutty creature, yes it is a creature, should not have been let out of the house without a leash.
Secondly, it seemed like her milkshaker was in bejewelled halter top seemed to be enough bling to blind most people from checking the rest of the ensemble out. I guess that is the fashion lesson we can learn from this experience. If you dont have anything else going for you, confuse them with cleavage. Oh well.
And the worst part of my evening. Every time she passed by me, in that crowded living room of nearly 50 people, my hair involuntarily stood up. It was like I was being given minor zaps. Zzzzz.ZZ.ZZZ.
So my advice to you all. Old age does catchup with folks. The attention of men and those around us does mitigate. I understand you wanting to put all your goodies out there, I am not going to judge your slutty look.

But please please, can we upgrade to an escort-style instead of a streetwalker?

Everyone should have a pair

of these.

Aviator.SunGlasses
I love love love Aviators. Aviators are equal opportunity appeal-enhancers! No matter what race, color, sex you are, aviators look good on everyone. I especially like the modified aviators that are a tad different from the top-gun-tom-cruise-aviators and love them in gold and gunmetal!

If you are looking for a new pair to buy, these are perfect! No, Rayban isnot paying me, I just want the world to be filled with hot looking people!

Roses are red, violets are blue. I smell sweet and so should you!

I hate meetings. Any kind of meeting. If a meeting is longer than 30 min, my ADD invariably takes over, and I drift into a happy cloud of random thoughts. If no one is around me, I quickly sneak a look at my Facebook newsfeed. Yes. I am addicted.
I sat in a long meeting today.Tired. 3:00 p.m. Me every bit ready to drift into my happy zone. It was an important meeting in a tiny conference room. with 6 men and one other woman. Really packed. Tight, and you couldnt turn around without stepping on someone's foot. Which I did successfully btw. So no FB sneaking. I was left to my thoguhts to entertain me. Its an art you know, to look deeply interested, while your mind is thinking of the Lebanese boy you saw checking you out in the cafe. Alas, no such luck. Instead, I am forced. Yes. Forced. To write about this flagrant faux pas that even yours truly ashamedly committed atleast twice.
So I sat in this meeting, patiently trying to get through 5 min. When it hit me. A cloud of BO hovering over our heads. I looked around. Panicked. There was no escaping this meeting. No-excuse-me-let-me-get-my-mask-on. I sat there frozen. Breathing in the stench. Yes. The stench. Everybody in the room reeked. No environmentally friendly people with their placards shouting slogans of "Stop Air pollution". Or "We demand clean air". Just me swallowing small spurts of thickly foul scented body odor. I was gasping. If it was appropriate, I would be wildly flailing my arms to get me an oxygen mask. But. No. Such. Protection. For. Poor.ME. Instead, I took it like a man. The worst one hour I have ever spent. Next time, I am going to go in with a lace perfumed handkerchief. And cover my nose.
An old friend has argued repeatedly with me that underneath our fabulous facades, human beings are just animals. And under the right circumstances we would all behave like one. We would hunt, mate and survive based on our corest instincts. From that evolved the animal's core sense of smell which helped them identify who their enemies were and such. I hope somehow this stupid theory has not pervaded our lives. Maybe a memo was sent out for all midlevel managers to collectively stop using deo. How else could I explain this collective defiance of human decency.
Ladies and Gents. Bad BO is a common problem most adults have. Its the food we eat, and the bad chemicals we consume. Even worse are those people that try to hide it under their perfumes. Perfumes do not help BO. If anything they make it worse. Growing up in a hot overpopulated country like India, personal space in a public setting is a luxury. People in buses, trains, and other public transport. Reek. You can tell what people have had for lunch by the way they smell. Garlic. And Onion sweat are the worst.
I have the same problem with the opposite set of folks. Who think dabbing themselves in perfume is actually dousing themselves in perfume. You know what I am talking about. After they leave the entire elevator, your hallway and garage has their smell.

Lets repeat the mantra of success - moderation is the name of the smell game. Unless, you naturally smell like a fresh bouquet of flowers, please please people wear a deodarant everyday. They are all available in different smells. In different sizes. In sprays or sticks. For a buck a piece. I beg of you to please, please invest in one!